INTERSECTION
title : intersection
medium : oil paint on linen laid on board
dimensions : 123.5 x 100 x 2.5cm
intersection is a painting that had been executed for almost a year
seemingly like a year or it really was in actual...
i have been working endlessly and untiringly on a painting
layer by layer. till it's ready and settled, today shall be "it"
published on my journal
openly and objectively .. from this painting. ( self interview self )
.. i start to document
i don't find it beautiful nor sometimes do i really need to explain too much of it
i didn't really like what it had become or would i say favorite my own paintings
i accept it, in out and beyond.
definitely it's something meaningless,
that i find it senseless through my daily life practice
it looks like nothing beautiful when realized
some say it is describe as the act of love, whether we paint or create anything
personally, i would not have a say on that since there is no salvation other than "love"
i followed accordingly with the strange hypnotic meditation that guided me,
paying attention yet not with the brush and paint
everything seemed deliberate and intentional.
i keep attending back and forth to the painting
all the time for no real purpose, except to only find purpose
and make it seem relatively purposeful to be part of my living
as a make believe
( "makebelieve" - i will be writing in the next post )
over the months, hours, late nights,
it was. close to death as if...
if it wasn't for money, it wasn't for myself either
it only took up the spaces in this confinement, as i observe
i don't live in a fanciful and spacious house
only a fanciful world of self denial and illusions
to realise to my current existence that I don't work for people
and that means i do not work for myself,
because we couldn't possibly live if not for living out of someone
and since everything in this world is an exchange or barter trade
in time to come the resource will run out.
than i don't know what's going to happen afterwards..
we trade our time ( which means effort ) for money
the daily job, purpose for survival.
i felt as if i've traded for just 'deterioration'
deterioration of life.
we have to give up our time,
in exchange for deterioration..
like the mould or the exploding stars
once wholly
unlike many others who dictates too as well, this is merely a cycle of human existence
one day this piece of physical labor will perish
just as I closes my eyes, the painting 'disappears'
i've learned that nothing ever belonged to anyone, not even our time
intersection has it's gap in between life,
the space devoid of anything or simply nothing
and that where we are standing is of no difference
to what's on the other side,
this painting is a break perhaps a mental one
this eternal break from the moments "here", that i've never felt ease or really
i'm not a pessimist which is seemingly poignant and significant
i don't find it heartbreaking because moments like this are fleeting
and then the cycles probably continues in the same way,
just slightly unobserved most of the time
nor optimist / opportunist trying to make the best out of every situation
.. right now
it's just this point of gap before i step into another series of events
these endless transition that i could overlook in my mind, i thought so..
intersection,
orsqr
IT IS NOT ONLY WORLDS BEHIND OUR WORLD THAT ARE WITHOUT MEANING, IT IS THE WORLD SPREAD OUT BEFORE US THAT INCESSANTLY ESCAPES. IT IS LIVED EXPERIENCE THAT IS POSTPONED IN LIVED EXPERIENCE. THE IMMEDIATE IS NOT ONLY A CALL TO MEDIATION, IT IS A TRANSCENDENTAL ILLUSION.
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